Grief Continued

Another very common feeling is guilt. It is likely that the bereaved will go over in their mind all the things they wished that they had said or done, in some cases they may even consider what they could have done to have prevented the death. Of course, death is usually beyond the control of anyone, and they must be reminded of this. Guilt is often experienced if a sense of relief is felt when someone has died, particularly after a distressing illness. This feeling of relief is perfectly natural and very common and is nothing to feel guilty about. These strong, confusing emotions are generally felt for about two weeks or so after the death and are generally followed by periods of sadness and depression. Grief can be sparked off many months after the death by things that bring back memories.

It can be difficult for other people to understand or cope with someone who bursts into tears for no apparent reason. Some people who cannot deal with this, tend to stay away at the time when they are needed most of all. It is best to return to a normal life as soon as possible and try to resume normal activities. The phrase "time is a great healer" is in most cases certainly true. However, the pain of losing a loved one never entirely disappears, nor should it be expected to. For the bereaved partner there is constant reminders of their singleness, seeing other couples together and from the images seen on television of happy families. All of this can make it difficult to adjust to a new single lifestyle.

The different stages of mourning tend to overlap and can show themselves in various ways. There is no standard way of grieving, as we, being individuals, have our own ways of dealing with all of life's trials not least the loss of someone we love.

GRIEF IN CHILDREN AND ADOLESCENTS

Generally children do not understand the meaning of death until they are three or four years old. Even with this being the case they feel the loss of a close friend or relative in much the same way as adults. Even in infancy clearly children grieve and feel great distress. Children experience the passage of time differently to adults and can therefore appear to overcome grief quite quickly. However, children in their early school years may need reassuring as they often blame themselves for one reason or another. It is important that the grief of a young person is not overlooked, as they will often not want to burden parents by talking about their feelings. For this reason they should be included in the Funeral arrangements.

GRIEF THAT IS NEVER RESOLVED.

Some people hardly seem to grieve at all. They can avoid any mention of their loss, do not cry at the Funeral and appear to return to their normal life remarkably quickly. For some people this is just their normal way of dealing with their loss and no harm occurs. However, others may suffer physical illness and periods of depression for some time to come. Sometimes people get stuck in the grieving pattern. The sense of disbelief and shock can just continue and never seem to end, whereas others cannot think about anything else but the loss of their loved one. Both of these instances are damaging and there is a list of care associations who can help with this at the back of this booklet.